


love letter

by 14crushed



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love Letters, Pre-Game Personalities (New Dangan Ronpa V3), Valentine's Day, her feelings on him are vague, rantaro is... pretty dependant on tsumugi, since ... as you can guess ... it's only really brought up in a letter, the amasai is one-sided, you can draw your own conclusions from what there is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22727404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/14crushed/pseuds/14crushed
Summary: “Do you think I should keep it?” he asks.“Does it mean anything to you?” she asks.“It doesn't feel like it was made for me,” he answers. “This was made for the guy on TV. He isn't me anymore.”Shirogane hums to herself before she decides, “You might as well throw it out.”Amami crumples it up into a ball and throws it across the living room.-Amami gets presents on Valentine's Day.
Relationships: Amami Rantarou & Shirogane Tsumugi, Amami Rantarou/Saihara Shuuichi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	love letter

**Author's Note:**

> i originally had something else with a less depressing mood planned for today but i couldn't finish it in time so here's this instead! it feels kind of weird writing using surnames instead of first names but it's whatever. i'll get used to it.

Valentine’s Day is the worst day of the year for Amami.

Valentine’s Day is when the mailbox overflows and the packages at his door pile up and Shirogane has to take them into their apartment, because he won't do it himself. She tells him that he's being too stubborn and he can't be mad at the world for what they do to them forever, and Amami begs to differ. He says he'll be as stubborn as he wants when what the world does to him is treat him more like a character than a person despite the flesh he bears on his back. Shirogane looks like she wants to retort something back, but she doesn't. She puts the packages down inside of the living room as gently as possible and walks out to grab more outside. 

Amami doesn't need to be a mind reader to know what she wanted to say. He thinks it's awfully hypocritical of her to call him a fictional character. 

At the end of the day, Shirogane insists that they open everything together to see what he got. Amami tells her that there's no point in it because he’ll throw it all out anyways and she punches him in the shoulder. He retracts and says that she can keep the things that she thinks are nice or deserve to be kept. Her frown doesn't fade, but she at least doesn't look at him like he's less than human for not wanting to keep a shrine of a person who doesn't exist anymore. Shirogane says she’ll handle the packages and that Amami can read the letters. He wants to say that he absolutely won't, but he’s already cut off by the box cutter slicing through cardboard before he can even open his mouth. 

-

The letters aren't awful. He thinks that maybe all of his die-hard fans are decent enough that they don't send him in-depth descriptions of all the sexual fantasies they have with him. He still doesn't like them, though, because they all praise Amami for how well he did during the killing game and that he deserved to survive and it makes him sick to his stomach. He doesn't think he deserved to survive that. No one should ever have to survive something like that. He wished that the execution had killed him and that his soul was resting in peace with the rest of his dead classmates. Or that his soul was in a different kind of hell, one that punished him for sending several classmates to their death instead of being kept alive to only be seen as an idol and a celebrity and fictional.

He only has himself to blame for that, though. He chose to sacrifice himself to let the others live on without him. He chose to be the driving force for the trials that got the blackened executed. He chose to be the Ultimate Adventurer. He chose Dangan Ronpa.

He chose to die, but it turns out he didn't get a say in that. That isn't his decision to make. If Amami had it his way, he would have died a long time ago. 

The packages aren't awful, either, but Amami thinks that they're worse compared to the letters. The letters are fine, because they're mostly just words with cute doodles on them and nice writing and sometimes there's little attachments like heart stickers and fanart. The packages are all fanart, sweets, props and presents and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do with any of them.

Some of them are nicer than others, like the custom-made charms and plushies and embroideries. Amami thinks they're cute even if he hates the person on them, and he tells Shirogane she can keep them if she wants to. She's more than happy to take them. She looks so happy when she stares at the Amami Rantarou on each of those presents for him. He doesn't know what she sees in him.

The fanart is nice and Amami is never one to look down on artistic abilities. The Amami before and during the killing game share this with him and he thinks it's the only thing these versions of him will ever share with him other than his name and face. They're all drawn very nicely, and he thinks that there's some talent in some of these artists that could land them on the show, but the ones that are group shots with him and Shirogane and the rest of their dead friends hurt to look at. He gives them back to her and wonders how she can look at them without feeling pain and dread. He wonders if she’ll keep them on her wall like it's a photograph of an old memory that passed or a poster for something she loves.

Amami doesn't like that they have to make a seperate pile for the art that's too suggestive for either of their liking. Shirogane takes one piece of fanart from a box and throws it in the trash immediately. He doesn't ask what's in it and he doubts he wants to know. 

At the end of the day, Amami has several letters written to him and fan creations of him and sweets that he’s going to let go bad in two weeks. Shirogane puts the things that she likes and thinks are deserving of being kept into one huge box and stores it in her room. She puts the rest back into their own boxes and says she'll take them back to Danganronpa HQ in the morning. Amami thanks her for helping out. She says it's no problem. 

“I don't want to do this again next year,” he admits. 

“I know. But the sentiment is nice, I guess,” Shirogane says. “It'll be worse on your birthday, I’m sure.”

Amami drags his hands across his face while groaning and Shirogane laughs lightly. “Don't worry. I'll help you with all of that on your birthday, too.”

“You fucking _better,_ ” Amami says, and he can't help but laugh, too. This is the worst day of the year so far, and he's laughing with the girl he's known all his life in every life he's lived. Things are okay for the small time they spend laughing together.

The next morning, Shirogane is gone and taking packages back to Danganronpa HQ. His mailbox is overflowing and the packages at his door are piling up.

-

The day after his birthday, all Amami thinks about is Valentine’s Day earlier that year and how awful it felt to sort through packages and letters he didn't want. Shirogane told him his birthday would be worse. She wasn't lying.

She helped him sort through the packages on his birthday, but the workload was a lot heavier and there are only so many words that Amami can read in a single day. By 9pm on October 3rd, he is exhausted and says he's not going to bother with the rest of it in the morning. Shirogane doesn't glare or punch him like she did on February 14th for not wanting anything to do with the presents. August 15th was awful to her, and she realized she shouldn't have underestimated how creepy fans can be. Amami wanted to say that he told her so, but he never actually did tell her so, so he can’t. And also because he wasn't petty enough to scold her chastising him about not liking fanmail even if she did join the organization that ruined their lives. He still isn't petty enough to do that. Not to her, at least. 

Amami throws out all the leftover cake that Shirogane’s coworkers made her take home for him. She doesn't object to it and looks sick to her stomach when Amami asks how much she had yesterday.

“You know,” he starts. “You were right. My birthday _would_ be worse.”

“You remembered that, huh?” Shirogane says. “I guess I should have considered my own warning. I, uh, didn't think people liked me _that_ much to send me mail.”

“Of course people like you, Shirogane. You were on Dangan Ronpa,” Amami tells her.

Shirogane is quiet for a while. And then she says, “I wonder what Christmas and New Year’s are going to be like.”

“Probably worse,” he guesses. 

“Yeah,” she says. “Somehow, it always gets worse.”

Christmas and New Year’s come by, and they're indeed worse than Valentine’s Day, August 15th and October 3rd combined.

-

It’s Valentine’s Day again, and Amami thinks it's going to be the last Valentine's Day of his life. That's what he's hoping for, at least. His mailbox is overflowing again and packages are forming a tower in front of his door.

Shirogane isn't home to take everything in for him, so he has to do it himself. It takes a while and he doesn't enjoy any of it, but he can't leave everything outside to be unopened and an obstacle for when Shirogane comes home later that night, if she ever does. Amami texts her about where the box cutter is and she questions why he's opening the packages if he hates being loved by the audience so much. He doesn't respond and finds the box cutter all by himself.

The packages aren't as bad as they were last year, but he still doesn't like them. He looks for Shirogane’s box with the gifts she kept from all of last year and finds that there's absolutely nothing of herself inside other than fanart of her and Amami that wasn't addressed to her. He tosses in charms and plushies and embroideries he thinks she’d like and puts the rest back into their boxes for the next morning. Or week. He doesn't know if he wants to leave the house the day after Valentine’s Day. Or at all

Halfway through the letters, Shirogane comes home. Amami doesn't notice her at first while he's still so engrossed in the current letter he's reading, which is neatly written and extremely wordy. Shirogane sits right next to him and starts reading with him. Amami waits for her to finish up before he moves onto the next one. 

“Do you think I should keep it?” he asks. 

“Does it mean anything to you?” she asks. 

“It doesn't feel like it was made for me,” he answers. “This was made for the guy on TV. He isn't me anymore.”

Shirogane hums to herself before she decides, “You might as well throw it out.”

Amami crumples it up into a ball and throws it across the living room.

The rest of the letters barely stick out in his mind. The letters aren't as good as they were last year, no cute doodles and only some of them have handwriting he considers nice. By the time they're done reading everything, the apartment has become littered with crumpled-up paper. 

“That's all of them,” Amami says. “We should probably start cleaning up.”

Shirogane nods but she doesn't move. Amami doesn't move either. 

“You don't actually want to clean up, do you?” Shirogane asks. 

“No,” he answers. 

“Me neither,” she says. 

Amami looks down at all the resealed boxes he openers before she got here. “You're probably not going to take any of this back to work in the morning, are you?”

“No,” she answers. 

“Me neither.”

It's quiet in their apartment for a while, and it's the type of quiet that can only be enjoyed with another person. Amami doesn't know if Shirogane enjoys the silence with just the two of them, or if she even likes silence in general, but he basks himself in it for as long as it remains. He likes this type of silence much better than the ones he lives through constantly nowadays when Shirogane goes to work earlier and comes home later and he doesn't do anything in the meantime, then she comes home without even saying hello and he already feels less scattered. He prefers not saying a word to her but still having her there over being alone every day of his life in his own self-imposed isolation from the world. That's why he moved in with her in the first place. 

This world is very lonely and it only grows lonelier as the Dangan Ronpa 53 draws closer. The boxes of chocolates and the love letters don’t make him feel any less lonely. He wants to appreciate the sentiment behind them, but no matter which way he looks at it, he can only feel like it's a cruel joke played by Team Danganronpa as a reminder that he will never be loved for who he is. Maybe it's his own fault that he can't accept that he is loved by many, or maybe it's theirs for loving him for being someone that he isn't. Maybe it's her fault for enabling them by working for the company that ruined their lives and pressures teens to use them as their getaway from their awful lives. Maybe it’s the company’s fault for killing teens. Maybe it’s the world’s fault for letting this happen. It must be everyone’s fault for making the world what it is right now. 

Amami feels very lonely in a world where he is nothing but a character. But that's why he has Shirogane, because she is just as real as he is even if she says otherwise. They are both unreal real people living in the real world trying to make sense of what they're supposed to do when the entire world sees them as characters from TV.

He wonders if she is just as lonely as he is. If she's working for Team Danganronpa, she must be.

“There was a letter in your mailbox over at HQ,” Shirogane interrupts the silence. “I brought it with me. Just in case you wanted to read it.”

Amami thinks to himself for a while. “Might as well. This might be the last Valentine’s Day I’ll ever have.”

She hands him an envelope sealed with a heart sticker. It's very cliche, and Amami almost feels bad for opening it up even as he does it so carefully.

The handwriting is already better than the rest that he's seen today, and the contents of the letter itself don't feel half-assed or desperate or creepy. The writer’s feelings really pour into their work, and Amami couldn't be more impressed. He wonders how much time they spent on writing something like this. 

He realizes soon enough that the letter is a love confession, but somehow that doesn't make him think any less of it. The writer is obviously a huge Dangan Ronpa fan, evidenced by the little doodles of characters from past seasons like Kirigiri and Kamukura and Enoshima. There's small drawings of him, too, and even some of Shirogane. They don't praise him for his performance during the killing game, as much as he thinks they might want to, and instead they pepper him with compliments on things he's either never or always gotten complimented for. They gush about how they'd love to meet him in real life one day, but they know it's impossible with how reclusive he's become. They don't blame him for that, though, and he's thankful. So they've resorted to mail and it seems that their resort wasn't a bad one at all.

They end their letter off with,

_I’m your biggest fan, Amami-kun! I hope we’re both on the next season together!_

_—Saihara Shuuichi._

Amami smiles and it feels bittersweet. This Saihara kid is betting his life just to be with him on live television and they’re not even going to remember him if it happens. If it was any other fan, he wouldn't bat an eye, in fact he thinks it's predictable for them to do that. But somehow, Saihara makes it feel less repetitive and bothersome to hear that someone is auditioning just to get the chance to meet him when they're both someone else.

He knows they said they might never meet him in real life, but now he wishes that they could.

“I think I’ll keep this one,” Amami says.

Shirogane smiles with him. It's bittersweet, too. “I think that’s the only one worth keeping.”

-

The apartment is empty on August 15th and October 3rd. Amami Rantarou and Shirogane Tsumugi have been dead for months, and no one has bothered to clean up their apartment from how they left it last Valentine’s Day. Saihara’s surprised that Team Danganronpa even gave the three of them access to their home after everything. 

“I don't know why Amami would've bothered living with Shirogane before this season started,” Yumeno states. “Living with her while she was working for Team Danganronpa must've been a pain for him.”

“Probably. Maybe there's something to those two that we don't know,” Saihara says.

“What do you mean by that?” Harukawa asks. 

Saihara’s mind goes blank for a bit. He's not sure what he means, either, but it’s a hunch that doesn't leave him and doesn't feel right to discard. “I’m not totally sure yet. Maybe this place will give us some clues.”

Yumeno goes through Shirogane’s room and Harukawa looks through the living room and kitchen. Saihara takes Amami's room and isn't surprised that it's bare of any sort of accessories that would probably be decorating Shirogane’s room in full. His room looks fairly lonely, and he can't help but feel bad for him even if he's already dead. There’s barely anything in his room. It's completely uninteresting and Saihara’s about to leave it as it is before something catches his eye. 

It's an envelope once sealed by a heart sticker, and clearly Amami must have wanted to treat this letter with gentle care if he didn't tear off the heart completely. He looks inside and opens up the letter and begins reading. 

It's wonderful writing and wonderful handwriting, and he thinks that this is the best love confession he's ever laid eyes on, even if it's probably only the first. He hopes that Amami appreciated this letter as much as he does right now, because the heart that's poured into it is unlike anything he's ever seen before. He wonders if he’ll ever meet the person who wrote it. 

He reaches the end of the letter.

_I’m your biggest fan, Amami-kun! I hope we’re both on the next season together!_

_—Saihara Shuuichi._

“Hey, Saihara, what’re you reading?” Yumeno asks from behind him. He's startled and jumps back a bit, and she doesn't seem to understand how her sudden sneak attack on him warranted that reaction.

“Ah, it’s nothing. Just something that Amami-kun left before the season started,” he answered. 

Yumeno squints at him. Then her face goes back to its normal lazy expression and goes “Okay.”

They exit from the his bedroom and decide to visit again tomorrow when it isn't horribly late. Saihara crumples up his letter and throws it across the living room.


End file.
